Being a part of what we collectively call "the neighborhub" has gotten me through so much of this last difficult year. Just knowing that there is a community of mutual support has made the difference.
Excellent piece, Angela. I particularly like the “what this looks like in practice” bit. And the example of Laura hit hard. This happened to me as a child when a beloved bear was given to a visiting toddler, and I was called selfish when I complained. The solution offered was even worse. I was presented with a new baby doll because the relatives thought having my own “baby” would make me feel better. Wrong! I think I realised their worst fears at that point. 😂 😂😂
Those books were foundational to me growing up, and that was the only time I was ever angry at Ma. I was outraged. I'm sorry that happened to you. I did it to myself as an adult. I got rid of a cherished stuffed animal I had kept until I was 40 and (during a divorce) I gave it to charity because I needed to "finally grow up." Fifteen years later all I have to say is fuck growing up. It's a lie. Sacrificing something precious does not make us stronger. It makes us numb. Yes, I regret giving away my toy dog and even now, it makes me want to cry.
As a child (who started her own greeting card company at age 3) all I ever wanted was (a.) a real typewriter and (b.) to plant a weeping willow tree in our yard. I never got either one. But my CNF about my willow tree sorrows was just picked up.
What you said here, "Compliance is what happens when we trade self-authorship for belonging and when fear of exclusion becomes more powerful than integrity." as well as the Laura Ingalls story (which sadly I do not remember that episode...) Really opened my eyes. I have always said yes then resented myself later as well as the people who asked. I am learning now to just say no first. and be ok with it.
Good for you! It's so hard, isn't it? I think the story where Laura gives away her doll is in On the Banks of Plum Creek, during the period after the grasshopper devastation when the family is struggling financially.
I love what you said about boundaries, and I desperately needed to hear that. I am trying to learn how to establish boundaries without experiencing guilt. Reconceptualizing boundaries as a positive for all involved will greatly help me! Thank you!!
Being a part of what we collectively call "the neighborhub" has gotten me through so much of this last difficult year. Just knowing that there is a community of mutual support has made the difference.
Excellent piece, Angela. I particularly like the “what this looks like in practice” bit. And the example of Laura hit hard. This happened to me as a child when a beloved bear was given to a visiting toddler, and I was called selfish when I complained. The solution offered was even worse. I was presented with a new baby doll because the relatives thought having my own “baby” would make me feel better. Wrong! I think I realised their worst fears at that point. 😂 😂😂
Those books were foundational to me growing up, and that was the only time I was ever angry at Ma. I was outraged. I'm sorry that happened to you. I did it to myself as an adult. I got rid of a cherished stuffed animal I had kept until I was 40 and (during a divorce) I gave it to charity because I needed to "finally grow up." Fifteen years later all I have to say is fuck growing up. It's a lie. Sacrificing something precious does not make us stronger. It makes us numb. Yes, I regret giving away my toy dog and even now, it makes me want to cry.
As a child (who started her own greeting card company at age 3) all I ever wanted was (a.) a real typewriter and (b.) to plant a weeping willow tree in our yard. I never got either one. But my CNF about my willow tree sorrows was just picked up.
Oh it was in the book not the show. I still do not remember that in the book.
It was a small passage, but it was such a big deal to me. I felt like Ma had betrayed Laura. Laura gets the doll back, and Ma realizes it was wrong.
What you said here, "Compliance is what happens when we trade self-authorship for belonging and when fear of exclusion becomes more powerful than integrity." as well as the Laura Ingalls story (which sadly I do not remember that episode...) Really opened my eyes. I have always said yes then resented myself later as well as the people who asked. I am learning now to just say no first. and be ok with it.
Good for you! It's so hard, isn't it? I think the story where Laura gives away her doll is in On the Banks of Plum Creek, during the period after the grasshopper devastation when the family is struggling financially.
I’m going to go find it and reread that part for sure! Yes it’s been a hard lesson I’ve finally just now learned.
It’s a life long process. As long as we are learning, we are alive 😂 I find that comforting.
Yes so true!!
I love what you said about boundaries, and I desperately needed to hear that. I am trying to learn how to establish boundaries without experiencing guilt. Reconceptualizing boundaries as a positive for all involved will greatly help me! Thank you!!
You and me both. This is one of the places where I know what I need to be doing, but I struggle doing it. It's a constant process of learning for me.